HUNTING

Stewart Cassette

R.i.p Kambrook Multi-outlet Thingie...

I am the first to admit that there are many many things in life that I, for the want of a more apt description, suck at.

Having already visited this issue in several previous blogs, I am not going to rehash the endless stories of my list of  skills in which I sorely need some extra "schooling".

However, the latest incident is probably worthy of a mention here.

The Date / Time:  Sunday 22/06/08  -10:16 am

The Place: My laundry room

The Mission: To successfully install a new Washing machine and Dryer.

Now, to be fair.....unlike Tom Cruise....I didnt have a little micro-recording device giving me explicit instructions on how to complete this mission.

Nor did I have either Jamie Durie or Tim Allen on hand to guide me through the basic steps (Although Martha Stewart did pop her head in to try and advise me on the aesthetics of the process. Since she has been banned from the UK, Labrador seemed to be the next most obvious choice of venue for her talents).

So, with coffee in one hand, and a Kambrook multiple outlet-thingie in the other (I am sure there is a proper name for those, but they will always be "Kambrook Multiple-Outlet-Thingies to me) I issued a blood-curdling howl:

 "Tonight We Dine In Clean Clothes!!!!"

  At this stage, before I get to the end of the story, there are a few gaps that I probably should fill in, so that you can get a fair and balanced view of what happened next...

a) I purchased the Kambrook-Outlet-Thingie in 1996

b) The Laundry Room doubles up as our cat's WC....

c) I had had a couple of decent reds the night before

I will make this painlessly short....

During the act of plugging in a very old electrical device, I tripped over the litter box and spilled a full cup of Gloria Jean Vanilla Latte onto exposed wires, hence causing a rapid shower of sparks and...subsequently, a small fire and hole in the laundry wall.

As a result:

a) I wasted $4.50 on a Gloria Jean's Latte

b) I was forced to call some dude from Bunnings to assist me with implementing my new washer and dryer

c) I have an ugly small hole in the wall of my laundry and a  full-frontal view from my laundry into my neigbour's bathroom (This is a classic case of when two wrongs = WAY too wrong)

d) Tonight we dine in REALLY rank tee-shirts!!!!!

So...bottom line is, I need serious help...and some serious shades when now entering my laundry at Bath-Time for next door.

It goes without saying that when it comes to household-maintenance, I should be wrapped in a  straight-jacket and sent far away (well at least as far as the pub down the road) whilst the professionals "do their thing".

At this point, I am even happy to have Martha stay awhile to cover the "gap" with sprigs of freshly picked lavender-flowers and delicate hand-sewn snippets of lace...ANYTHING...for GOD'S SAKE - WOMAN COVER IT WITH FRESH BAKED BLUEBERRY MUFFINS...ANYTHING!!!!

                                 

Oh...wait...

Have just received a small package under the door....

...Looks like a small cassette...

Let me just pop it into the player....

"Your Mission...Should You Choose to Accept It......."

Oh....

To quote Gordon Ramsay.....

F%$!!!!!!!

TIMING...guys?

TIMING!!!!

                        

About the Author

Kylie is a well travelled free-lance writer who has been published in several magazines in Australia and the United States including "Honestly Woman" and "Third Coast Marketing".

Come on in..sit down and enjoy...bring your prescription drugs if necessary.

1993 Ford Mondeo Video [1/4] - Introduction